Abortion is a very private decision. Many women only discuss their decision with the people who are closest to them. Sometimes, women find that those close relationships become strained after the abortion.
Boyfriend or husband
You thought maybe your relationship would get better. You thought you could have the baby, but he convinced you it wasn’t the right time. There were other things the two of you needed to do first. The baby would just get in the way.
But it hurts.
You didn’t expect it to feel as bad as it does. And you find it harder to look him in the eye. Feelings of resentment start to grow, and you wonder if you can be in this relationship anymore.
Why did he make me do it? Why did I listen to him?
This is an all too common occurrence for women who’ve had abortions. Many women feel they can, in fact, raise a child despite the pregnancy not being planned, but their significant other pressures them to abort. Not wanting to lose the relationship, these women allow their partner to make the decision.
Your conversation might not have been like the one above. But it may have been like this:
You: “I’m pregnant. I don’t know what to do.”
Boyfriend: “Well, it’s your body, your choice. Do whatever.”
You’re confused. Isn’t he supposed to help me? I need support! How do I make this choice on my own?
Although this doesn’t sound like coercion, women in this situation may still end up feeling resentful of their boyfriend not offering to support her through the process. They choose abortion because they believe deep down that’s what he wants, and hopefully they can just continue the relationship from where it left off before the pregnancy.
However, research suggests more often than not, couples who abort are more likely to face future relationship troubles.
Pressure to abort can come from a family member. If you are living with your parents and they find out you’re pregnant, they may threaten to stop supporting you or kick you out if you don’t terminate the pregnancy. This is a devastating situation for many women, especially teenagers, to have to choose between a baby and having a home. In order to maintain peace with family and ensure a place to stay, women may abort even if they didn’t want to. This can cause extreme tension between family members. Women in this situation may feel hurt and anger towards their family.
Even at the abortion clinic, you may feel anger and resentment at the doctors who performed the procedure on you, because you never truly wanted it in the first place.
How do you forgive those who were involved in your abortion decision and let go of your anger toward them, including yourself?
If you find it difficult to maintain your relationship with someone who pressured you to abort—or someone who failed to support you—forgiving them is an important step towards healing. If you don’t forgive, bitterness can take root and ultimately ruin relationships with those who were close to you.
Contact Restore today if you need help in dealing with these emotions. It’s okay to admit you feel anger and resentment toward those involved in your abortion decision. We are here to help.