Dear Diary: This is Harder than I Thought

Do you find yourself being so plagued with constant thoughts about something that you are finding it hard to concentrate at school or at work? Maybe you keep thinking about an upcoming exam you are going to take that is making you nervous. Or, maybe you are finding it difficult to concentrate on work because you had an argument with your boyfriend and you keep playing that conversation over and over in your mind. In today’s journal entry, the writer talks about the difficulty of concentrating on her homework because of all the thoughts running through her mind related to the abortion experience.harder

Dear Diary, 

I am still so sad. I do not know what to do or how to move forward with my life. I have been continuing to go to class but, for some reason, I do not feel as motivated as I did before. It is difficult to concentrate in class and it is even more difficult after class when it is time to do my reading and other homework. My mind is constantly wandering. It seems as if everything relates to my abortion experience. It is such an awful memory- why is that the only thing that I can focus on?

Every time I see a child or even a picture of a child, I think to myself: “I wonder what my baby would have looked like…” Or, if I see pregnant women, I wonder how I would have looked as a pregnant woman.

I was out shopping and I saw all these cute little baby clothes, shoes, and little bows for a baby girl. I froze. I would have needed to buy a lot of these things in just a few more months for my own baby. 

I can’t help but think about how far along I would be at this point and how big my belly would be. I also think about if I would be having a boy a girl. What would I name the baby? Would he or she look like me and have my big blue eyes or would the baby look like the father and have dark eyes?

I need to get back to my homework but I am having a hard time getting this out of my head. My homework just does not feel so important anymore. I am going to try to finish this chapter of reading and maybe I will write more later.

[One hour later]  

I just spent this last hour trying to do my reading for my class tomorrow and I could only get through two pages. I kept getting distracted with thoughts about my abortion and my baby. How come this keeps happening? Will I be as motivated to do my school work as I once was? I need to get this out of my mind.

After having an abortion, it can be hard to move on in your life.  Restore After Abortion can help. For over 15 years, Restore has been providing compassionate and confidential post abortion care to anyone who is suffering from the emotions surrounding a past abortion. Contact us today at 630-599-0043 to find out more information.

Comments are closed.